By Botacelli

I fall out of my chair laughing whenever Stefan says something like, "Find out everything you can about Chloe Morgan! She may be the key to all of this!" He's so grave, and says her name with such seriousness, that I can't help but think of Carly suspecting that Liz is after Sonny. Really, why do these strong, formidable characters have to act intimidated by folks that are, well, less strong and formidable (I'm being nice because I like Liz much more than I do Chloe)? This post is not meant as a bitter rant about the absurd writing (did it, got mad, calmed down again), rather, just a humorous observation. Imagine, if you will, the scene in which Stefan and Chloe are finally in the same room and Stefan's trying to figure out her secret:

Stefan Milks Chloe For Information

Stefan: Ah, Miss Morgan, we meet again. It is a pleasure to see you. [Appraising look], I trust your new treatment is going well.
Chloe: Oh, yeah, Jax (that's my millionaire boyfriend, you know) almost seduced your mommy to get the medication! He is such a sweetums!
Stefan: [Shocked] He almost did w-what?
Chloe: Yeah, I know, it's really gross, but the way I see it [no pun intended], the fact that he was willing to kiss and say sweet nothings to a woman three times my age proves that he loves me and only me. Doesn't that make sense to you??
Stefan: [Ironically] Yes, your lover's actions certainly show the degree of his attachment to you.
Chloe: What?
Stefan: That means 'ditto,' I believe.
Chloe: Oh. Anyway, why am I here? The last thing I remember, I was on a plane with Jax to back to St. Petersburg to look at the musicbox--[realizes she's said too much] oops! You didn't hear that.
Stefan: Hear what?
Chloe: That part about the music box.
Stefan: Is there something I should know about a music box?
Chloe: Where'd you hear that?
Stefan: You said it.
Chloe: What? No I didn't.
Stefan: [looks at her mystified] Are there any side effects to your new medication?
Chloe: [clueless] No.
Stefan: So then you're always like this?
Chloe: Yep!
Stefan: [Sarcastically] Wonderful.
Chloe: Oh gosh, I'm so glad you're happy. I'm happy, Jax is happy, Ned and Alexis are happy, I think, I haven't asked them in the past six months, but I'm sure they would have said something. Hey wait a minute, aren't you dead?
Stefan: [rubbing forehead from her soliloquy] I think I will be in a moment.
Chloe: That bites.
Stefan: Miss Morgan, what is so significant about the musicbox?
Chloe: Where'd you hear that!?!
Stefan: [About to answer, but catches himself] I didn't.
Chloe: Oh, okay. I have been having these dreams lately (the illness, you know) and in them, I keep seeing this awful music box.
Stefan: And what is it doing?
Chloe: Playing music.
Stefan: That is all?
Chloe: Well, it was playing the music really LOUD.
Stefan: I see.
Chloe: Naturally, this scared me to death.
Stefan: Naturally.
Chloe: And when I was on your mother's yacht the other night, I found a music box that looked exactly like the one in my dreams!
Stefan: Really.
Chloe: Yep.
Stefan: Did it play the same song?
Chloe: Helena says it does but she says the music box has been broken for years. Bummer.
Stefan: Yes, bummer indeed.
Chloe: That's what I thought. So, to go on with my story-
Stefan: [urgently] No, please don't.
Chloe: But I'm about to get to the good part-
Stefan: That is quite all right. I'll enjoy hearing your [sigh] nice little story another time.
Chloe: But I was about to tell you how I knew Helena killed you-hey! You're not dead!
Stefan: [deciding it was too easy to mess with her head to pass up the chance] Yes I am.
Chloe: But how come I'm talking to you if you're dead?
Stefan: This is another dream.
Chloe: Really? Wow! But where's the music box?
Stefan: What music box?
Chloe: I'm confused.
Stefan: I'm sure that's a first.

--Botacelli.